This past week I have been part of the production team for 'Road' at my college. It's been awesome. But the most amazing thing is, we, as a group of sixteen to nineteen year olds, produced a show worthy of public viewing with minimal help from 'adults' (they're just big kids really).

The thrill when the house lights come up at the end is indescribable. One of the best feelings ever. Knowing we achieved so much in two weeks, finally knowing this is where my heart lies,  that makes me so happy. I feel that little bit less lost.

I now have lots of money, or what i see as a lot of money. I don't think a millionare would care about a measly two hundred pounds. I don't want to spend any of it though. It's nice knowing it's just there. Although i'm going to London this weekend, so the whole 'I won't spend this money, I won't!' thing just failed.

It seems I have reached a point in my life were I might actually do something worthwhile. I might stop drinking.
I really need a whiteboard because I always forget to do things.
My keyboard keeps missing letters, what a twat.
I like gatherings.
I should really stop being a sarky bitch to the people at college, they are going to hate me for real soon.
I'm amazed that people are actually going to miss me at twirling.
I want dreads.

So at the end of term we have to do a son et lumiere, a sound and light show. We're not allowed to use any actors or projections and are restricted to one small prop.
For mine, I am working on the idea of opression. Of your life being control by a small group of people who you never see. You are keep in a grey walled room, and are watched at all times. You are told what to do everyday, and if you rebel in even the tiniest way you are killed.
It is kind of a cross between the new series of lonelygirl15 and George Orwell's 1984.
Right now I'm finding it hard to find music and sound effects to use. I hope that I find something soon otherwise this may fail.

I also have to finish making my costume for friday, which I don't think I will be able to do.

I can see myself failing college again and for once I actually care.

missing people

I never used to miss people. I've missed so many lately. It's such a waste of time and it hurts. I dislike it.

crashing rooms

Hexachording is so fun, lol

crazyness

I carried one of those circular, wooden bins from college, on the train and through town to my friends house yesterday. I was tempted to go as far as putting it on the seat next to me, and asking if it was alright every now and then but I thought that would be going a bit too far. People thought I was crazy. It was in the name of art, so it's fine, but I let them assume I had just escaped from the metal hospital.

I believe that if you care what people think, you will never do anything in your life. If you act normally, wear exceptable clothes, and just behave, you will fade away. You will go through life as a pawn, somebody nobody really thinks about. I am the way I am because if I wasn't I would just be bored. People may think I'm crazy, but I'm just making life exciting. I don't want to ever regret that I didn't do something because I thought people would think I was strange. At the end of the day, I will never see those people again and so what they think becomes irrelevant whether I care about it or not.

I'm proud that four girls who have no expierience of using a lighting board, worked out how to make the lights work half an hour quicker than five guys and a girl who had. Clearly guys just suck.

stealingness

I stole some pink, fluffy, flashy ears. XD XD XD

life

For the past week or so, everytime my alarm goes off and i come out of the realm of my dreams, i wish i hadn't. I'm disapointed that i have to face my life. Not that my life's bad, it's pretty good really, but my dreams are better. I find myself questioning why i'm here for the bazillionth time, and it frustrates me so much that i don't know the answer. I don't have a purpose, which is why i say 'what is the point?' a lot, and consiquently, don't try as hard as i should at things. I try to live for today as much as possible. I don't like thinking about the future, because what if i don't get there? I don't want to spend my day building for tomorrow if tomorrow isn't going to come. And if it does come i don't want to look back on today and think i wish i'd done something else instead. I know with this thinking i'm going to end up in a hole, but i shall face that when it comes, as i do everything else. People say life goes too fast, i believe the opposite. There is so much stuff i want to do, but i can't because i'm not old enough. I hate not being in control of things. I wish i could fast foward and rewind my life, it would makes things so much more fun.

I'm really disheartened that i'm not in Glasgow right now. It makes me sad to think that if i hadn't got a bolt through my lip, I could be there (ignoring the fact that by now I would have spent that money on something else anyway). I can't wait till Halloween.

I've had two days of college. All we've been doing is inductions to stuff, but tomorrow we get to be in the theatre. Yeyness. I can see it being a really great year.

Bristol = Wetness but it was good anyway.

My mum just made cheese scons and i want one.

I keep thinking of Youtube things and i want to say them but no one will understand, so i have to giggle quietly to myself. Today I wrote Hello(in a Scottish accent) on the board in our room, and everyone was like, 'Why in a Scottish accent??' I was just like 'erm... because'

There was an akward silence, and i was about to say, 'Put the animal hospital tune on' but no on would have got it. =(

Hopefully i can conivince my mum to lend me some money so i can go to Glasgow on saturday.

Things i loved about Youstage:

Having nine people in my two-man tent
Swimming
Stealing signs
SAUCECUAS
Drinking tea with the band every morning
The disco balls
Getting three wrist bands
Playing guitar with a tea stirrer
Hugs
Turning Scottish
Injecting kisses
Stealing Dan’s hoddie
Giggling when people said Grass
Laughing so much it hurt
Stealing a waitrose chip
Talking to security guards whilst drunk
Steven’s accent
Arguing that purple is better
The breaking of the gazebo
Glowsticks
Feeling loved

I miss everyone, i hate being home.

Youstage awaits. I'm just about to go to the station. I just hope my ticket will let me go through the underground otherwise i will have to buy another one and that would just be annoying.

I got two strawberry lollies in my sherbet dip dap. =) =) =)

boredom

I want to go back to college. I've already had seven weeks holiday, and that's just too long. Me and Nikki made some new college year resultions:

!Go swimming together once a week as our timetable allows
@To be driving by end of 09(nikki) 2010 (me) (as my birthday is 8 moths after hers)
#Try to get all work in on time and make sure it is of good standard
$Be in a job with respectable pay by the end of the academic year (this one we will fail at)
%Complete the Manopoly board challenge

There are loads of gatherings being planned at the moment and it's so confuzling.

silly

We went past a station and out of interest I looked at the green board to see what it was called. The first thing my eyes caught was 'Help Point' and for a few moments, I believed that to be the name of the station.

10th August

After leaving Alex's, I got the bus to the tube station. I bought a kiddies ticket so that i could save money.
when i got down onto the platform, i sat down on a bench and got out my book. I looked down but oculdn't read a word because my eyes were misted with tears.
It's strange being constantly with some of the best people alive for three days then suddenly being on your own. Why is there not a word stronger than miss?? I want to hear Mhairi's scotish twang, and Ed's guitar, and see Alex's cheaky smile. I wouldn't even mind hearing that horrible animal rescue tune. In fact it would probably make me smile.
Strange as it may seem, I'm not used to missing people, to having a gut aching wrench in my stomach. For the most part, I'm happy when i'm on my own so this is an unfamilar feeling.

London

So, i went to the 888 gathering in London. It was fun except that the people who i was meeting went the wrong was and so i had to sit and wait for them for a while. The people of London are weird. They never seem to stand still. When we were in the park, i looked at this map of London and was like wow there's a big river running through London. This wasn't out of ignorance, i just forgot it was there. The gathering was fun, in the evening i stayed in a hostel with Jess, Sophie, James, Ed, Spencer, Step, Calum and Ivens and now am on the point of suicide every time i hear the animal rescue theme music. 

Last night, Mhazz, Charlie, Dave, Ed and me stayed at Alex's. Tonight, I will be glad to be in my own bed with all the room i could want , and not have Ed snoring next to me the whole night.

I do not like busses, i can not navigate the way through one, but tubes are fun. I like those.

heya

For a while i've been contemplating starting up a blog, so now i've done it and hopefully i will actually write in it from time to time.

I'm quite annoyed that i didn't get to go to David, the reason being i got my internet back the day after and so had now knowledge of it. I would like to go to the gathering tomorrow if nikki ever texts me back.

I got my lip pierced last week, and it was painful no matter what other people say. I've coped with multiple cartillage piercings but this still made my eyes water. It's a strange experience having a bolt through your lip, i'm only just starting to get used to it. This is really bad, but i can't be bothered to clean it. It healing fine anyway.